Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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