he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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