i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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