Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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