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In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dick very happy bro
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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