So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
