Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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