I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You don't make any sense
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