I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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