Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
