sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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