just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
