we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
