they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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