no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
