oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
