I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
