I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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