I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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