At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
