They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
