At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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