it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
