she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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