His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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