Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
