you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
