How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
