The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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