It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
