those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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