I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
