Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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