look no pants
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
