thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
