Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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