I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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