It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
