i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
