You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
