Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
