69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
