Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
