We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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