I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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