3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize