what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
