i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
