I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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