I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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