I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
