ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
His nipple licking is glorious
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