OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
two words...techno handjob
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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